Global Missions Orientation, April 2006

The word “missionary” makes me antsy. I had imagined very pale, white women wearing white linen clothes, weighted down with enormous hard cover bibles. Or grey haired men with eyes ever ready to judge and ears never ready to listen. Pushing these stereotypes to the nether regions of mind, I joined 50 young people at the Discernment Weekend for the ELCA Young Adults in Global Mission. I was ready for anything and was relieved when one of my peers asked the red-hot question, “What are missionaries in the Lutheran church today?” I felt a flood of anxiety when I heard the answer, “All of you will be missionaries.”

On the first day of the Discernment Weekend, I was already questioning my comfort and ability to be a missionary. Each volunteer found in their notebook an index card on which the name of a chapter of the bible was listed. Our task for the second Ice Breaker of the event was to put ourselves in the correct biblical order. I looked at my card and saw Habakkuk. Immediate panic…

So why did I apply? I have wanted to volunteer abroad since 10th grade, maybe then it seemed more like a pipe dream than a real possibility. Maybe an answer to the dreaded question, “so what will you do after high school/college?” During a Jesuit education at Loyola University Chicago and immediately thereafter, I began questioning my faith. I took as many “world religions” courses as I could, read about Hinduism, and even joined a Buddhist youth group. After five solid years of questioning, including a few awkward months of Buddhist group meditating, I now realize where I feel at home with my faith. I returned over Easter to Luther Memorial, and was lovingly welcomed by my church community in Madison. Wonderful memories of LMC flooded my thoughts - of Sunday nights practicing for choir and then HSYO, setting up for IHN, helping to plan and attending the National Youth Conference. Singing the hymns, hearing the prayers and the word, sharing communion as I have done all my life helped me realize why I felt at home there.

Returning to Lutheranism, and remembering so clearly how the roots of my faith have been nourished, I was able to better clarify for myself why I am ready to volunteer abroad. I want to experience life in a developing country. So that I might better advocate for those often forgotten in my own country, I want to experience life as a racial minority. I want to accompany those who are suffering; I want to learn their stories and work to never let them be forgotten. I hope to return after a year of volunteering with a deeper Christian faith, influenced by and respectful of the strong and diverse faith lives of those I meet.

The word “missionary” still makes me feel a little antsy. But, as a result of an incredible four-day ELCA Young Adults in Global Mission Discernment Weekend, what does “missionary” mean to me? Learning from the faith of my neighbors so that I can grow spiritually. Being mindful of my choices and actions. Not wasting. Journaling and reflecting. Serving others. Representing my family, my church and my country in an open and thoughtful manner. Returning to the United States, and to my Lutheran community, as a more informed and committed member of both.

The Book of Habakkuk is at the end of the Old Testament (I know this now). Habakkuk asked God, “Why do you show me iniquity and cause me to see trouble? For plundering and violence are before me; there is strife, and contention arises” (Habakkuk 1:3). I expect that I will ask questions and feel angry about the injustices I will witness in India. My anxiety about the Icebreaker Exercise of finding where Habakkuk is placed in the Bible will not compare to the anxieties I will face in my year in India with Lutheran Global Missions. During my time in India I expect I will become both globally informed, as well as, more globally formed. Being a “missionary” does not mean I’ll have answers. As a “missionary” I plan to work hard, ask lots of questions, listen with empathy, acknowledge my feelings and reflect on what I am learning. My hope is to return as a missionary strengthened with deeper Lutheran faith by the strong faith lives of those I have lived and worked with in India.